Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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