You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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