whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
