wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
