I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize