Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
