you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
