Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
