I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
