In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
