if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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