an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
