I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
