the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sober January is a disaster.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
