I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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