Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will be naked everywhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
