Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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