she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
