I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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