I wanna bring you to show and tell
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
