I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
