Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
