Everything about him screamed your future.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
