You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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