My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
