I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
