he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
