I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
