i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
