I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My life is pants optional.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
