Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
