I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
