I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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