I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
