So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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