I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
