I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
