He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
