After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
