is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
only you would photoshop your dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
