Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
