its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
