Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
