i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
