apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
