What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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