I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
