i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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