farters have to be the big spoon...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
