Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
