Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
