That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
