He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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