Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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