Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
