I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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