I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
