Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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