I think I died a long time ago.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
