i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
