You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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