I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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