Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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