dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize