You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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