Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
