i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
