He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
