I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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