Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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