I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The power of my boobs compel you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
