Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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