Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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