and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
