I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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