I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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