Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
