I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
