READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
