We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
