Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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